TrumPutin claims it's the lightbulb that makes him look orange. And that it's bad, because apparently he thinks he's not really an orange guy. So that's good to know, and since he's figured out what makes him look orange, now the question is, does he know what it is that makes him sound stupid? Is it the teleprompter that malfunctions and forces him to stumble over prepared remarks? Do the big words run together so that he sounds like one of his sons trying to fathom a third-grade reader? What makes him look so fat and wobbly as he waddles up to the lectern? Who has coached him to imitate the Mussolini look? The jaw stuck out, a look of superiority layered with insecurities so pronounced that only a Marine helicopter or fawning senators can make him feel like a warrior not plagued with conveniently materializing bone spurs that prevent him from the honor of going to war in far-away countries? A nation awaits your next lie, your Orange-ness.
Second THoughts?
The reporter who asked TrumPutin if he had second thoughts about the tariffs on China had to have been kidding. The notion that TrumPutin gave any thoughts to the tariffs is at odds with everything we know about the child who now rides shotgun in his official Marine helicopter. It would be nice if the Orange One gave second thoughts to the tariffs, which would be his first thoughts on the subject. Alas, it turns out that he has given no second thoughts to the tariffs. Not only that, but according to his press secretary (herself not one given to overthinking anything), he doesn't even understand the question. And according to both the Secretary of the Treasury, a person skilled in the intricacies of sycophancy, and TrumPutin's chief economic advisor, a charlatan who understands that expensive clothes and multiple wives are essential qualifications to the emperor's counselors, their fearless leader did not hear the question. He answered it three times, but heard it nary a time. The country obviously is in skilled hands, but is at the whims of deficient ears. ¡Baboso! ¡¡Babosonazo!!
President Irwin Corey
Reading the transcript of TrumPutin's answers to press questions is proof that Professor Irwin Corey is a consultant to the GOP's leader. As he rambles, evades, lies, hallucinates, and embarrasses the nation in front of his official helicopter, idling in the background to waste fuel as a metaphor for the regime, TrumPutin is an astounding duplication of the Irwin Corey answers that we once thought were a comic escape. The only proof that we are not listening to the redoubtable Professor is that Irwin Corey dresses better and is in much better physical shape. The shambles of TrumPutin's hair is the only physical resemblance between the two. Evading and backsliding on background checks, refusing to state if he understood why his mentor was evicted from the G8 and instead rambling on about Obama, fabricating economic mythology that explains his tariffs and the Fed's interest rates, and providing so much other drivel, so effortlessly, TrumPutin is clearly pleased with himself, as only a reality TV star can be. He refuses to acknowledge reality or his own failings, and rambles on with the sole intent to avoid responsibility for any of his idiotic ideas. The only thing missing to make the scene a complete farce, but accurate in its depiction of the current Republican slimefest, is the absence of the Pence bobblehead in the background, silently but obediently reinforcing the idiocy of each statement. MASS - Make America Stupid! Stupid!
Take the 25th
Some have asked if it's time to invoke the 25th Amendment and remove TrumPutin for lack of mental stability. That's a justifiable claim, but it has been justifiable since before Putin got him installed as president. Descending the escalator in all the majesty he was able to summon, his first words as a candidate proved he was mentally and morally unfit for the job. Everything he has done since has been a reinforcement of those initial inadequacies. The only change is that now he has dragged the entire Republican party into the slime that is his worldview. Tax cuts are all that selfish and greedy conservatives needed to secure their souls, and federal judges who will carry out their sharia is all that the evangelicals needed to affix their imprimatur. And the autocrats and despots world-wide have paid their insincere tribute to the once and future real estate king. The 25th Amendment is called for, but unless it can be applied to an entire party, it's not nearly comprehensive enough.
Yes, Be Quiet!
TrumPutin's dalliance with civility lasted almost a day, before he reverted to the insulting liar he can't help being: he told Beto O'Rourke to be quiet; he insulted the mayor of Dayton and senator from Ohio for not toadying sufficiently; and screamed at Joe Biden for telling the world about TrumPutin's vile rhetoric. Of course, Beto won't be quiet, the mayor and senator won't toady, and Biden won't recant. Unfortunately, TrumPutin also mentioned his willingness to consider universal background checks. Then the NRA told him to "Be Quiet". Dutifully, TrumPutin will now shut up. He will make more references to mental health, assuming as always that his own mental health is beyond question. Or he will change his story, claiming that he never was in favor of universal background checks, or anything else so blatantly socialist. He will fight the technology companies, arguing that any attempt to disallow him from spewing his racist filth, or any attempt to hold him to the truth or civil discourse is un-American. But gun control? No, there is no appetite for gun control, according to the dictator wanna-be with the large appetite. Yes, for God's sake, TrumPutin, be quiet.
Tragically laughable
TrumPutin's "condemnation" of white supremacy is, typically, too little, too late, reluctantly spoken, and not what he really thinks. It is a speech that whoever currently controls his small mind told him to make to make him seem more like a person and less like Mussolini. He managed to make, inadvertently, one statement that defined himself perfectly: Hatred warps the mind, ravages the heart and devours the soul. Anyone watching him preen and stoke the mob at one of his rallies can see the hatred, ravaged hearts, and devoured souls by the thousands, all applauding the hater-in-chief who personifies his description of the problem. Calls for unity after the fact are TrumPutin's favorite tactic. Now, all we have to do is wait for the "good persons on both sides" remark. It's coming, as surely as the next lie.
Other Racists Agree
TrumPutin had the perfect Trumpian explanation why his racists tweets were not racist: others agreed with him. Just when we think that it's not possible for the little, ignorant man to go lower, he knocks from below. The four congresswomen hate this country, says the damn fool who thinks he gets to define how people are allowed to show their love for America. If anyone tries to improve the Republican vision for the country, that is hate? The four congresswomen are socialists, even communists, says the man profiting from his government connections, and spending campaign cash donated by the corporate socialists who define his regime. The four congresswomen are free to leave, because he can't stand that they deign to question his immorality, his infidelity to American principles, and his wanton disregard for truth and decency. And others agree with him. Like the others who agreed with dictators before him, and who thought that justified their atrocities. The dictator wanna-be racist needs to go. Along with all the others too afraid to speak out against him.
Truth is Bad
TrumPutin blasted the UK ambassador for being a stupid guy. The only thing stupid about him was that he thought that the truth would be tolerated in the TrumPutin regime. "Insecure" the ambassador says of TrumPutin, leaving out racist, ignorant, mean, defensive, racist, lusty, depraved, untruthful, cowardly, and narcissistic. Oh, and racist. "Inept" and "dysfunctional" he says of TrumPutin's regime, obviously having seen Zinke, Pruitt, Barr, Mulvaney, Ross, Devos, Acosta, et al., cater to the whims of their lord and master. And the UK ambassador must also have seen the parade of sycophants who tell us what the babbler-in-chief means when he says anything. KellyAnn, Sarah Huckster and her successor, Whoever, Mulvaney, Kudlow, and the explainer-in-chief, Rudy G. Never, it seems, is what TrumPutin says what he means. There are instances, his sycophants tell us loudly, when what he says intersects with what he means, but that is only when he's confused. No, the truth is the last thing TrumPutin can abide, and he's lying when he says otherwise.
No Tanks
TrumPutin is no brave man. He lacks intelligence, honesty, modesty, a moral compass. Most of all, he is the antithesis of courage. He can summon only the shadow of courage, and it is only when he is far removed from conflict that he can call up even the shadow of courage. The farther away he is from conflict, the deeper the shadow of courage he can summon. If conflict gets near him, his courage flags and the bone spurs emerge once more. So it's no surprise that July 4th has become for him a celebration of might. Tanks, planes, speeches extolling the bravery he can never summon. And all in front of an audience saturated in reality television, television that paints an image entirely at odds with the "reality" it purports to show. It is the only show that TrumPutin is qualified to host, the only show where he feels comfortable and where his smirk and his blustery, simpering words are at home. For the rest of us, the tanks are idiotic, a symbol at odds with the day. As is the buffoon who emcees the charade that he and his base call patriotic.
Queen Ivanka
Her confidence bristling like a colorful, plastic tiara, the first daughter wanders farther and farther into the limelight. She's emboldened by the incompetence that is her sire. If ignorance and poorly-placed confidence can gain so much, then she is all in. And her dutiful husband follows at a safe distance, speaking when he finds the temerity to add his simple-mindedness. Queen Ivanka follows the large orb that is her leader into the dark, but potentially profitable, land that is the North. She finds the moment historic, for it is when a North Korean Trump Tower gains momentum. She feels the grandeur and can utter only "surreal" when asked about the moment. What is surreal? That she is there? That prince Jared is allowed to tag along? That TrumPutin heels so dutifully as Kim stage-manages the journey of his legitimacy? All those things, and more. Flattery is the coin of the realm in TrumpWorld, and the autocrats of the world have perfected the art. TrumPutin and his queen are the perfect recipients of Kim's attention: glowing in the light of his insincere attention, floundering in the ocean that is his diplomacy, happy to give away the country's ideals for a really good location of another gilded hotel.