TrumPutin is bristling. There is $2 trillion to give away as he sees fit, and he wants no one looking over his shoulder. No inspector general telling him he can't use the bailout for his hotels. No inspector general telling Mnuchin that Goldman Sachs is not really the Treasury Department, even though TrumPutin and Goldman Sachs believe that. No inspector general telling him his response to the Coronavirus was inept, late, and is still a joke. no reporters asking Dr. Fauci to tell the truth, when the country is sick of TrumPutin's lies. It's business as usual. There is no such thing as a disaster if there is money to be made off of it. Any reality TV star knows that, even the old, fat, orange ones. Impeach!
Category Archives: Cartoons
Incompetencies Run in the Families
Jared is now officially incompetent in yet another realm. This time it's crisis management. His performance at the daily reality show also qualifies as failure at speaking coherently, thinking, and seriousness. He's already failed in those areas, but obviously likes redundancy. His performance at the Coronavirus daily briefing also had comedic elements, as when he said the president and vice-president asked for his help, based on his ability to think "outside the box." He didn't say which box or what thinking they had detected, and no one pressed him for specifics. Then he explained stockpiles. He stated they were for "our use," not for the states. Neither Jared nor TrumPutin believe "our use" and the states are connected, as when a reporter asked TrumPutin what Jared meant by "our use," the Orange One said "our" means "ours." But clearly not the states. The stupidity is only exceeded by the thoughtlessness. Then there was the point where Jared forcefully imitated daddy-in-law: "We've done things that the government has never done before, quicker than they've ever done it before ..." It was stupidity and incoherence that rivals, but doesn't exceed, TrumPutin's nonsense and lies. Thankfully, Jared has not made another public appearance, apparently believing that he should space out his stupidity. It's a view daddy-in-law does not share. TrumPutin has inherited his genius from his uncle at MIT, and Jared has apparently inherited his stupidity from his father-in-law. And they are both happy with their understanding of heredity.
Our New Endless Tsar
Putin, the real Putin, is so arrogant in his humility that he stuns the Russian Parliament into obeying. The Russian constitution - a droll notion, if there ever were one - is amended to allow him continuous reign until he decides when to quit. The Parliament votes in favor - notwithstanding that to vote against is not allowed, or allowed only on pain of death. It is each legislator's choice. The crowning moment is when Putin takes to the podium to express his humble acquiescence to the wishes of the Parliament. For it would be far from his choice to do anything that they did not favor all on their own, without his having to threaten them and/or their families, whichever they prefer. A return to former glory, where rulers ruled and the peasantry farmed, or died in war, or starved waiting for the rulers to finish their suppers of French cuisine. Former glory, indeed. And crowned with a Trump Hotel in Moscow, complete with fake gold and everything. Make Moscow Great Again, Comrades.
Shut Up, Mitch
Moscow Mitch is the evil behind the empire, concocting the vilest explanations and then trying his gosh-darn hardest to hide his racism and manipulation behind a righteousness so earnest it might almost be evangelical. Now, Moscow Mitch is trying to float the idea that TrumPutin's fixation on impeachment diverted his impressive attention span from the Coronavirus, and the Democrats are the reason TrumPutin stayed so stupid so long regarding the pandemic, which he knew was a pandemic while he was telling everyone that it was like a mild flu. He knew it was a pandemic but because impeachment was on his mind, he kept trying to imagine a perfect call and couldn't quite manage to say pandemic because it sounded so much like impeachment. Damn, Mitch, it makes so much nonsense. He was so absorbed in impeachment, even though there was no chance in hell the Senate would even have witnesses, let alone convict the moron. And TrumPutin was so immersed in impeachment that he told everyone to go get ready to go to church and then celebrate Jesus by buying all kinds of crap to get the economy going again. Impeachment made him confuse safety and saving lives with corporate greed. No problems, Moscow Mitch, it's a mistake Republicans make every day. So shut it, MoscowMitch!
Worse than the Disease
As usual whenever he speaks, TrumPutin lies and he is wrong, this time when he says the cure is worse than the disease. However, there are other things that are worse than the Coronavirus: The White House initial response, particularly the opinion by epidemiologist TrumPutin that the Coronavirus was a flu -- definitely worse than the virus; The revised response, stating that the Coronavirus was not, after all, simply a flu, but that TrumPutin knew it was serious, and knew it to be a pandemic far earlier than anyone else -- such nonsense is worse than the disease; The daily briefings that substitute for the mindless rallies that TrumPutin is used to having -- absolutely worse than the virus; Mnuchin's pandering for the corporate elite, including Boeing, which suffered so badly that it could offer its disgraced former CEO only a $60 million payout; and cruise lines, which license themselves in foreign countries to avoid U. S. taxes, but which line up for U. S. taxpayer bailouts -- worse than the disease; The parade of corporate shills at the daily briefings, performing like trained seals so that they are not left out of the stimulus money that TrumPutin and Mnuchin are earmarking for their friends -- truly a scar on the nation and far worse than the disease; Pompeo's idiotic talk of the Wuhan virus, carrying the xenophobic and nationalist ball for his lord and master -- despicably worse than the disease; GOP reluctance to pay for sick leave and unemployment, until shamed into doing so, and Moscow Mitch's reluctance to have any oversight until forced to -- worse than the disease. TrumPutin's hunch that the virus will be subdued, his hunch that we have plenty of ventilators, his hunch that the economy is more important than people's health -- all politically motivated responses worse than the disease; The country will survive, recover, and thrive -- despite the lies, selfishness, and greed of the TrumPutin elite that currently governs. Thank God for Speaker Pelosi and the good sense she shows in leading an intelligent response to the crisis.
Eloquent and Believable – the Myth
The Obese Orange went on national television to comfort and reassure a nation. How could he fail? Let us count the ways. First, his speech was written by Steven Miller and Jared Kushner. Miller, trying to qualify as a human being but failing every test except the one that gives him credentials in the TrumPutin regime, wrote the part about "foreign" virus and travel bans. Kushner, trying to qualify as an adult but failing in every regard except toadying for his dad-in-law, wrote the other incoherent parts, presumably including the "moment in time" nonsense. Second, TrumPutin can't read and looked like an imbecile trying to pronounce complex words like "country." Third, TrumPutin exhausted himself trying to look sincere, and was winded by the time he was halfway through the speech. He tried to manage sincerity, but could only get to grotesque. Fourth, he has never told the truth, so the speech was ruined even before it began. Fifth, he's an idiot. Sixth and so on, see above.
Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me
Poor little rich girl. Unappreciated for the selflessness and devotion her life requires. The world reels from a virus -- death, illness, uncertainty, economic distress. And Melania, in her hard hat, standing out all by herself and her servants and spokesperson, supervising the construction of a tennis pavilion. Why won't the world appreciate her? Why do her detractors not see the burden she carries? Her dress so close to real dirt, her shoes liable to scuffs, her brow very nearly almost sort of sweaty. The pain of watching labor, without even a limo nearby to take her to a safer place with central heat and hors d'oeuvres prepared by three or four different European chefs. Life is hard, and no thanks does she get. But apparently the world thinks that tennis pavilions build themselves. Oh, well, Be Best, or whatever. Melania, we don't really care. Do you?
Loyalty uber Alles, Mick
Mick Mulvaney -- he tried so hard, so faithfully, so pathetically, so painfully. Lying, sneering, believing in the fables that the TrumPutin cadre put forth, and sincerely groveling in his faithfulness to his leader. But, Mick accidentally told the truth and that done him in, it did. He lost everything. Acting power over the White House staff, the Consumer Financial Protection Whatever, OMB -- all gone. Because Mick forgot that the credo of the TrumPutin regime is to put full faith in the lie, to never admit that the lie is not the truth. Mick admitted there had been a quid pro quo. Everyone knew it was so, but Mick said it. And for that moment of truth, Mick is now the envoy to Northern Ireland. Unless TrumPutin decides to build a golf club there, Mick will never be seen again among the grifters toadying up to the Obese Orange. Mick, we hardly knew ye -- but that was enough.
Yeah, but No
Maybe I have a natural ability. Spoken as though the idiot believed what he said. Holding a paper with what he thinks is a Coronavirus molecule, or Hurricane Dorian, with Alabama somewhere in the picture, Trump Guy gloats like a two-year-old drunk on his own brilliance. He does have a natural ability, but not to understand anything. His natural ability is to make a fool of himself, to embarrass the country, to make his entourage of lickspittles cringe at the pain of having to suffer his ego. He has no natural ability to do anything worthwhile, only to enrich himself at the expense of others. And then to call himself a businessman. As if. Soon the bloated image will go away, along with the red hat, the Mussolini imitations, and the coterie of drooling sycophants longing to have their very own natural abilities. Yeah, but no.
One Word
Total Acquittal. The one word that, according to TrumPutin, best describes the impeachment outcome. A better single word is Total Assholes, one word that describes him, his administration, and the Republicans in Congress who suffer his foolhardiness gladly. Or maybe Total Partial Innocence, the same verdict from Mueller, who found him guilty but protected by the DoJ cult led by Barr. Total Partial Innocence of impeachment, the official line descending from a perfect call and read the transcripts to no perfect call, definitely a quid pro quo, fear of witnesses and testimony, read the part of the transcript where Total Partial Innocence is plausible. The cream rises never rises in TrumPutin's world. Or maybe Total Lies, the centerpiece of his administration, as well as his life. Not a stable genius, definitely a complete coward, not a businessman, yes a racist, and always a blowhard. Make America Whatever... etc etc etc