TrumPutin in his latest emergence from his gilded pig sty addressed an adoring crowd and told them, among other things, that Mitch McConnell is a "dumb son-of-a-bitch." Though he accidentally stumbled across a valid description of the minority leader, it was, of course, for the wrong reason. According to His Orangeness, Mitch is a dumb SOB because he does not genuflect before the stable genius who leads the GOP. Mitch will vote for him if he has to, but that is not good enough for the stable genius. Mitch will not acknowledge the Big Lie. He will not deign to defer to the Orange Blob and his quest to strangle the GOP in his stupidity and arrogance. So TrumPutin rails against Mitch and thrills his base. In his stream of unconsciousness, TrumPutin made sure he identified Mitch as the dumb son-of-a-bitch he was referring to, and that made his thoughts easier for the base to digest. If he had simply railed against a dumb son-of-a-bitch, or those sons-of-bitches, then it might have confused the brainiacs in his base, and they might have thought he was referring to Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, Kevin "Joseph" McCarthy, Josh Hawley, Matt Gaetz, or any of TrumPutin's panderers in the GOP. And so the stable genius uses his eloquence to further debase the base. And you thought that was not possible. Make America Whatever, y'all.
Lies are Truth, Only without Truth
TrumPutin thinks he won. It's a lie, of course. A delusion, a hallucination. He didn't win. He lost the popular vote. Again. But he lies as a reflex to sound. It's a tic he can't control, and because he has no brains, no shame, no self-control, morals, or conscience, he can lie and then, if he's confronted with a lie that he can't defend, he'll lie about lying and call his critics liars. It's not possible to know for sure if he believes his lies. He may not believe he's lying, or understand anything about the truth, but that's not the same thing. His enablers, supporters, and apologists, though, believe what they tell themselves. Lindsey Graham believes the lies because he knows if he doesn't, he'll never get another free round of golf at a TrumPutin taxpayer-funded course. Ted Cruz believes the lies because he's Ted Cruz, and he knows if he doesn't kiss TrumPutin's large ass, then the Big Orange won't stop saying that Cruz's father assassinated John Kennedy, or that Cruz's wife is too ugly to be first lady. Cruz is defending his family the only way he knows how. And all the others believe the lies they tell on TrumPutin's behalf because ... well, they've sold themselves to the lowest bidder, and now must align directly or else face the wrath of a two-year old. Make America Whatever, yeah ...
Building Infrastructure Weeks
Republicans are aghast at President Biden's plans to upgrade the country's infrastructure. "Too expensive," they cry. "It's not infrastructure," they cry. "It costs too much," they cry. The Republicans want to return to the glory days of TrumPutin's regime, when the emphasis was not on building infrastructure, but on building infrastructure weeks. "Infrastructure Weeks weren't expensive," they cry. "Talking about infrastructure is infrastructure," they cry. "Infrastructure Weeks didn't cost much," they cry. TrumPutin had several hundred Infrastructure Weeks a week, and for him a week without an Infrastructure Week was like a week without golf with Lindsey Graham. "Lindsey always let me win," TrumPutin was fond of saying, while tousling the senator's thinning hair. And an Infrastructure Week never threatened to jeopardize the tax breaks that the Republicans handed their CEO friends. Because the bottom line for Republicans is that an effective corporate tax rate of zero is the best infrastructure.
Beyond the Limits of a Narrow Plate
My Dinner is served,
It plies itself warm and inviting
within the confines, sadly,
of a too narrow plate ~~~
It can be enjoyed, certainly;
and will be, certainly -
but, some will be lost.
Overboard!! Potato fragments off
the starboard; vegetables too
far aft; meat is safe, though.
A too narrow plate cannot
contain the entirety of a
good and substantial dinner.
And rescue of the lost parts
must be done in secrecy
and in accordance with manners
All for the limits of a too narrow plate ~~~
Now?!
Moscow Mitch dictates that the Senate will not be bullied into voting for $2,000 coronavirus relief.
They will not be bullied, because according to Moscow Mitch, it is the Democrats doing the bullying, not the Bloated, Orange Disaster in the White House.
And the $2,000 checks, called for by the Bloated, Orange Disaster, are really the doings of Democrats who are trying to use socialism for their rich friends.
And Moscow Mitch is against socialism for the rich. Now.
When it was tax cuts, he was all for socialism for his rich friends.
When Kentucky was feeding at the federal trough, thanks in huge measure to Mrs. Moscow Mitch, he was all for it.
When “small” corporations were using the first Coronavirus relief package to pay dividends, reward CEOs, and lay off hourly workers, Moscow Mitch was all for socialism for his rich friends.
Now, with a Democratic president and the prospect of a different sort of leadership — that is, not a demented, arrogant, ignorant scofflaw and his family that Moscow Mitch can toady up to and get what he wants — Moscow Mitch is suddenly against socialism.
Republicans are such pillars of hypocrisy. And Moscow Mitch is their leader.
Sir Loin, or Devon
According to legend, Charles II of France once knighted a particularly good joint of beef, giving it the name Sir Loin.
Now, the noble Orange Sort-of-King-but-Really-a-Fat-Stupid-Imbecile has decided to give Devon Nunes the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Everyone, on both sides, thinks the sirloin is more deserving.
Sure, Devon is genuinely stupider than the Orange-Sort-of-King, and that is not an accomplishment easily won.
Sure, Devon kept the Orange-Sort-of-King updated on the impeachment charges and led the defense team from behind, which is Devon’s favorite position.
Sure, Devon can’t outdo the Orange-Sort-of-King in the contests of naming man, woman, camera.
Sure, Devon is so devoid of scruples that even sycophants to the Orange-Sort-of-King cringe when he says anything.
Still, he is at least as good a Trump Republican congressman as a sirloin would be, and the sirloin would never worry about having to depend on a presidential pardon to go along with Medal of Freedom.
I’ll Walk with You (Wink, Wink)
So, the lead insurrectionist and liar-in-chief addressed his band of followers, and after pandering to them with insipid and insincere compliments, he told them, “We’re gonna walk down, and I’ll be there with you.”
And the morons believed the moron-in-chief. They believed the obese cloud of statins and blood pressure medicine who has never walked anywhere, not even from his office to the cafeteria for a cheeseburger.
He doesn’t walk the golf course, where someone else carries his clubs for him.
He doesn’t walk around the neighborhood, unless it’s to waddle over to the nearest church, with a Bible that he’s never read, to wave it around claiming something having to do with his greatness.
And so his moronic followers walk to the Capitol, turn into a mob and destroy things, and the insurrectionist-in-chief tells them that he loves them, and they’re special, and he loves them.
But he’s not gonna walk anywhere with them. And the morons cheer, Make America Whatever.
Like, Stop It
The use of ‘like’ has been declared an epidemic and a threat to the future of the language. Federal, state, and local governments have begun to debate alternatives to combat language degradation, beyond the removal of twitter posts by the outgoing gang of language degraders.
The initiatives are already drawing criticism and push back, primarily from right-wing groups who see the effort to restrict their incorrect, gratuitous use of a specific word as constitutionally unacceptable.
“It’s like making us put, like, a mask on our brains, like,” a view simultaneously expressed by QAnon, the entire senate Republican caucus, and all of TrumPutin’s children.
Abner Abner, a GOP state legislator from any red state, immediately tweeted, “This is socialism at its worst, like, yeah, it’s socialism that’s, like, un-American, and not, like, socialism, that, like, gives billions to corporate agriculturalists.”
A senator from Texas, either idiot, immediately announced he would hold senate hearings. “The Democrats are fixated on impeachment by, like, not re-electing our king, and they want, like, socialistic socialism, but they, like, totally ignore the legitimiciality of, like, like.” He stopped pounding the table only for a second before adding, “It is, like, so bad to stop, like, using a word like, like, like. That is socialism, to stop using words just because they, like, don’t mean anything. Like ‘conservative,’ or, like, ‘intelligent Republican,’ or, like, so, yeah.”
And then Abner Abner and the senator from South Carolina went golfing with the lame duck who won’t, like, shut up and, like, go away. So, yeah …
New Word
TrumPutin’s press secretary has declared that her boss will be the titular head of the GOP for decades to come.
TrumPutin’s grin indicates he thinks ‘titular’ means something different than what his press secretary or the GOP thinks it means.
Why did she choose that word? Doesn’t she know the guy she works for? Hasn’t she heard the Access Hollywood tape? Doesn’t she know that her boss has always been driven by one impulse, and it isn’t to be the titular anything of the GOP for decades?
And yet, she will do it.
Republican senators who are under the delusion that the idiot who is going to be the titular head of the party for decades to come didn’t commit impeachable acts all had to look up the definition of titular. They were heartened to know they would not have to explain away his titulariness the way they absolved him for his Access Hollywood truthiness.
Yes, he will be the titular head of the party. And that, Republicans, is the problem with him and you.
All We Have to Fear is Stupidity Itself
TrumPutin, channelling all great dictators from every era, has come up with a line of propaganda to mask his inadequacies: "Don't be afraid of covid ... don't let it dominate your life." No, we need only be brave like TrumPutin, who, unafraid, checked into Walter Reed, at taxpayer expense, where he was attended by a minimum of six doctors, at taxpayer expense, where he was administered steroids and medication cocktails, at taxpayer expense. His brave treatment, which did not dominate his life nor cost him any money, was available as a result of testing on fetal tissue, which he opposes except when it is necessary to make him feel unafraid and not dominated by a "hoaxy" virus. After several days of bravery, TrumPutin had a drive-by to reassure other citizens unafraid and patriotic enough to avoid masks, social distancing, or other minimal efforts at responsible behavior. His efforts to cheerlead put Secret Service agents at risk, and were paid for, once again, by all taxpayers, both those unafraid and those who are intelligent and responsible. Those two groups have no mutual members. Then he returned to a thoroughly infected White House, flailing away on twitter and behaving with even more stupidity, arrogance, and incoherency than even his most ardent admirers are used to. Court the virus with in-person events, no masks, no precautions; label those who behave responsibly as silly; lie about the timing and severity of the infection; hasten to the hospital to accept treatment of the "hoax"; require non-disclosure statements by doctors, nurses, and staff; jeopardize the health of doctors, nurses, and staff who don't sign NDA's; minimize the effects from the sanitized and infected White House; fault the Gold Star families for causing the infection; and have taxpayers foot the bill. No, we need not be afraid of the coronavirus. But we need to be terrified, once again, by TrumPutin and the idiots who mimic his "bravery".