TrumPutin claims it's the lightbulb that makes him look orange. And that it's bad, because apparently he thinks he's not really an orange guy.
So that's good to know, and since he's figured out what makes him look orange, now the question is, does he know what it is that makes him sound stupid?
Is it the teleprompter that malfunctions and forces him to stumble over prepared remarks? Do the big words run together so that he sounds like one of his sons trying to fathom a third-grade reader?
What makes him look so fat and wobbly as he waddles up to the lectern? Who has coached him to imitate the Mussolini look? The jaw stuck out, a look of superiority layered with insecurities so pronounced that only a Marine helicopter or fawning senators can make him feel like a warrior not plagued with conveniently materializing bone spurs that prevent him from the honor of going to war in far-away countries?
A nation awaits your next lie, your Orange-ness.
Her confidence bristling like a colorful, plastic tiara, the first daughter wanders farther and farther into the limelight.
She's emboldened by the incompetence that is her sire. If ignorance and poorly-placed confidence can gain so much, then she is all in. And her dutiful husband follows at a safe distance, speaking when he finds the temerity to add his simple-mindedness.
Queen Ivanka follows the large orb that is her leader into the dark, but potentially profitable, land that is the North. She finds the moment historic, for it is when a North Korean Trump Tower gains momentum. She feels the grandeur and can utter only "surreal" when asked about the moment.
What is surreal? That she is there? That prince Jared is allowed to tag along? That TrumPutin heels so dutifully as Kim stage-manages the journey of his legitimacy? All those things, and more. Flattery is the coin of the realm in TrumpWorld, and the autocrats of the world have perfected the art.
TrumPutin and his queen are the perfect recipients of Kim's attention: glowing in the light of his insincere attention, floundering in the ocean that is his diplomacy, happy to give away the country's ideals for a really good location of another gilded hotel.
Pompeo plods his way to the podium, where in the course of his somber explanation of Iran's duplicity, he tells us that the U.S. will counter any Iranian actions that threaten U.S. interests in the Persian Gulf.
Imagine that! Iran trying to exert influence in the Persian Gulf! What's next? Saudi Arabia wanting the U.S. to sell them billions of dollars of weapons, including nuclear technology? Oh, wait.
The Monroe Doctrine sucks, but Pompeo's Whatever Doctrine is worse. Stupidity explained by a shill for the benefit of his boss, an idiot too stupid to know any of the big words that Mike uses.
Nobody believes you, Mike. Not even the Crown Prince.
TrumPutin rails against Maduro, the only dictator he can't abide. Bolton and Pompeo rail against socialism, and cast Maduro as the emblem of that hated system.
And they ignore the similarities.
Personal plunder of the government for his own riches? Their man matches Maduro emolument for emolument, and then raises him a golf resort.
Familial gain? Yet TrumPutin employs all his children and enlists his wife to preach against all those bullies who dislike her husband and the fine people among white nationalists he adores.
Allowing corporations to regulate themselves, and giving petro-chemical companies free rein to drill anywhere they want and export the oil and gas for their own profit? Maduro is faulted for bankrupting his country and using its natural resources to reward his friends. Policies that TrumPutin, Ryan Zinke, and Scott Pruitt are envious of.
Maduro is hated by the NRC, but if he were the governor of Louisiana, he would be the keynote speaker at the 2020 Republican National Convention.
TrumPutin and William Barr: 500 pounds of humanity breathing hard just to get to the tee box. And bound together by a penchant for untruths, self-serving nonsense, and shamelessness.
Claiming exoneration, TrumPutin refuses under any circumstances to take Trey Gowdy's advice: if you're innocent, then act like it. Instead, TrumPutin proclaims his innocence and then acts like he's scared of anyone who refuses to pander to him, and unsatisfied with anything that is not a piece of flattering puffery.
Barr wrote the memo claiming a president could not under any circumstances obstruct justice, and proves his point by refusing to acknowledge obstruction when it is pointed out to him in 458 pages of detail. Barr knows it is his job to protect the boss, given that Rudy, et al. are incompetent to do so.
So the two overweight, overwrought, over-indulged idiots - arrogant, cynical, hypocritical - continue to bludgeon the Constitution, common decency and morality, all for tax cuts for the wealthy and de-regulation for the oligarchy.
Grotesqueness, at its worst and most visible.
On Thursday, 'Barr the Magnificent' will release a "lightly" redacted version of the Mueller report. Per 'Barr the Magnificent' and 'Rosenstein the Not Fired, Yet,' the redacted report will show that Mueller could find no intent on TrumPutin's part to obstruct justice.
Not finding a clear intent is related to the legal theory put forward already by TrumPutin's attorneys that he and his campaign were and are too stupid to collude. They would have liked to collude, as shown by the Trump Tower meeting of Jr., Jared, and Manafort, the hope that WikiLeaks would come through for them, and having campaign staff with decades long contacts with Russians. But they were too dumb to actually succeed.
Not understanding what he was saying when he dictated the lies for Jr.'s explanation of the meeting, or when he fired Comey, threatened Sessions, and so much more, TrumPutin will glow in the innocence of not obstructing justice, via stupidity.
The barely innocent TrumPutin, reveling in his quasi-innocence and proud of the fact that no one can say he was smart enough to know that Putin was playing him, will now make a victory lap of all the places where his stupidity is most revered, starting with Mar-muy-Largo, and ending at the golf course at Mar-muy-Largo.
Using the new power of Barr's legal theory, Trump's next move will be to prove that he was too stupid to file accurate tax reports. A slam dunk. MAGA!?
Maduro and TrumPutin seem like such a likely match, a pair whose mutual admiration could take them to the heights the enfant terrible has reserved for Putin, the Crown Prince, Duterte, al Sissi, Kim, the new Brazilian autocrat, and other right-wing loons who are willing to stay at Trump Towers.
But Pompeo and Bolton won't allow a romance to bud between the Venezuelan dictator and their dictator. Though they are kindred spirits, Maduro and TrumPutin will never be allowed to date, to have state dinners and cordial meetings together, and then lovingly plan subsequent state dinners and cordial meetings.
That wouldn't satisfy the base, whose antipathy to Kim can be set aside, as little rocket man and the senile dotard meet to plan how to avoid the nuclear conflagration that they invented by themselves to prove their manhoods.
The base will not tolerate, at least not yet, a meeting between their own grifter and a grifter who espouses a socialist viewpoint. Neither TrumPutin, his base, any of his advisors, nor Maduro can define exactly what they disagree on. No matter, the optics are bad, and that is what matters to Fox State News, and what they tell the base to believe.
The Venezuelan socialist and the president with convenient and shifting beliefs simply illustrate the Yin and Yang of dictatorial energies. They see much to admire in each other, if only one would agree to give his oil to America, and the other would open his gilded hotels in South America. Then love could truly blossom.
McConnell, Cornyn, Thune, etal. crowd around their leader, nodding at all he says, nodding forcefully at the strongest untruths.
The Republican Party will become the party of health care, Trump says, showing no sign that he disbelieves his own invention.
As he always does, Trump makes his declaration convinced that everyone will think he is telling the truth. It took until the end of his inaugural address to understand that he says only what is expedient and that he neither knows nor believes anything.
So, the Republican Party will become the party of health care. They will promote health services based on their notion of Christian sharia, priced to ensure Big Pharma prospers, HMO's prosper, and HCA and other hospital conglomerates prosper. Sales of luxury cars and yachts shall not falter as a primary policy point of part of Republican health care. Coverage will be limited to the healthy, and pre-existing conditions will be designated as socialist.
Yes, Republicans will become the party of their own health care. They welcome Trump as their spokesman and accept their position as his progeny.
When confronted with admitting the truth or telling a lie, TrumPutin's path never varies. Lying is his only real option. When he faces acknowledging an unpopular action, he goes for the big lie. Like his dictator role models.
So, when asked about separating families, he says: 1) Obama started it, 2) he, TrumPutin, stopped it, 3) the Trump regime does not do that, and 4) separating families would really help to solve the problem of welcoming the tired, poor, huddled masses.
First, Obama did not separate families, except when there was suspicion of domestic violence. Second, TrumPutin instituted family separation as a policy and he thinks separating families is a deterrent. Third, his hatred of Obama is now a certified pathology.
Stephen Miller is a turd, TrumPutin is a moral and ethical scarecrow, and his administration is the largest grouping of incompetents and toadies ever crowded together in one administration.
Mulvaney, the interim guy behind the green curtain, says Democrats - meaning anyone - will never see TrumPutin's tax returns.
The rationale is that the voters have already spoken on that issue.
So, besides the fact that rules of law and Congressional authority are not governed by elections, even using the tortured logic of the Grand Sycophant, TrumPutin can only withhold his tax returns from the Electoral College.
The popular vote demands, according to the rules of the Grand Sycophant and interim guy behind the green curtain, that TrumPutin hands over the returns. The voters have indeed spoken, Mickey!
Then the nation will know the truth, either: 1)TrumPutin isn't as rich as he says; 2) he lies on his taxes; 3) he pays no taxes and/or gets a refund; or 4) all the above.